Nursery Ideas

As many of my friends and family prepare to welcome their new children into their lives I look at Miss Daisy's room and groan. I never was really able to decorate her room/nursery the way I wanted to and now with baby #2 on the way and I see my various friends and family members inspirations/things they have done with their nurseries I groan again because with baby #2 he will be first sharing our room, and then sharing a room with his sister and her VAST collection of toys. So I have no ideas how to decorate my wood panneled "nursery" for a 3 year old girl and a new baby boy!

I wonder though... in all those blogs about how beautiful so and so's nursery is and how perfectly put together it is... how long does it stay that way? I remember that its not entirely impossible with a newborn but add a 3 year old that NEVER stops (her grandmother had her today and she can attest to that) and how long do you think this haven will actually stay spotless?

What a WEEK!

This has been a week of many trials but even more blessings.

Sunday on our way into church I slipped and fell in the parking lot. In a huge puddle soaking my dress and scraping my hands and knees. Boo hoo. I trudged into church and got as cleaned up as I could and had my little one protesting the abrupt wake up call for the rest of the day but he proved that he was fine with all that movement.

Later that night (a week ago today) as my father was heading downstairs to bed he tripped over the "puppy gate"(The gate that is at the top of the stairs to prevent their little Yorkie Lucy from making the bottom of the stairs her own personal potty.) There are claw marks on the wall where he tried to catch himself. He suffered a severe compound fracture of his left wrist and was pretty banged up. {now friends I have considered posting a picture of his wrist prior to being reset but I thought such a graphic image might be disturbing to readers, lets just say it was bad and it literally made my knees shake and I WORK in the ER and see stuff like that on a pretty regular basis!!!}

That however was not the end of the excitement for the night as my mother was rushing my dad to the hospital she hit a huge Buck at the top of the hill in her brand new (to her) car which she had had for less than two weeks at that point. She called the police and explained that my dad was in serious pain from his wrist and that she would like to keep going, they told her they would just meet her at the hospital.

When at the hospital the police told her she really should not be driving her car anywhere. All of my siblings showed up to help "take care" of my parents my big brother even drove the hour and a half down from Pocatello to come make sure all was going to be alright.

My parents spent Monday at the family doctors office to have my Dad's blood pressure checked and to alleviate the pressure that the splint had put on Dad's arm, which was black and blue and swollen to epic proportions. Tuesday was spent with the orthopedic surgeon to check his arm too swollen to cast come back on Thursday. I actually went to the Thursday appointment and they re-splinted his arm which was swollen even more AND black and blue and yellow all the way from his sausage like fingertips to his elbow.

Later Thursday night I just wasn't feeling so great, I had been having contractions on and off all day long but as I went out to book club at my parents house I knew something was up. I tried to ignore it, stupid braxton hicks but my mom could tell that something was up as soon as I walked in the door. As book club ended it was too the point I couldn't catch my breath and there were some other things going on that lead me to believe it would be a good idea to head up to the hospital to at least get checked out.

My brother and sister in law came over and picked up Miss Daisy and Mr. Chase and I headed up to the hospital. After a myriad of test and being monitored and discovering I had dilated to 3 cm and was 70% effaced I was actually in Labor. Which at 34 weeks was not a good thing. So they loaded me up with drugs to stop my labor they opted to keep me overnight to monitor things and continually drug me ever 4 hours.

Friday morning my doctor came in and told me that since Henry is still so young they wanted to give me the rounds of steroid shots to help his lungs develop. HOLY COW talk about a major shot, they sent me home and I could hardly move for the rest of the day, which is good because I'm on pretty strict bed rest. I can get up to go to the bathroom and if I do much more than that my contractions return with a vengeance.

Meanwhile Friday afternoon, my sisters husband had surgery on his shoulder, which thankfully went well. My sister brought me Grace right before her husband went into surgery. Grace was pretty content watching movies and playing with toys for the better part of the afternoon. Which in itself was a small miracle.

Saturday I had to return to L&D for my second steroid shot, to be rechecked and have Henry monitored. My mom took me up and didn't even laugh when I got my shot and held my hand when the nurse tried to touch my brain from the wrong end. Good news, I haven't progressed anymore so the medicine is working and more good news Henry is head down!!! Hurray!

Henry was a little stinker though and wouldn't perk up enough to pass the make sure his heart rate accelerates enough over a period of time so they ordered a biophysical ultrasound to be done, but low and behold there was a trauma one down in the ER and there was a 6 hour wait to get an ultrasound so rather than keep me all day, Henry decided that the sound of the monitor was really starting to bug him so he did the appropriate accelerations and they finally sent me home. No having to wait for the ultrasound. And good news my mom was able to go get the majority of her errands ran while I watched the better part of Dances With Wolves- the music in that movie alone makes it worth watching.

So now I'm home heavily medicated feeling pretty miserable BUT STILL PREGNANT and lounging about in bed, ha ha ha, is that possible when there is an almost three year old about?

The Imagination

When was the last time you went swimming in the sink?

Hard Knocks Life

Growing up, many a Friday nights, the better part of Saturdays and anytime family was coming to visit from out of town we spent our time scrubbing the house from top to bottom, "Make it SHINE like the top of the Chrystler building." One or both of my parents would tell us.

"Why do you think we had children? To do the house work of course!" (insert evil laughter here)

Growing up I always thought this was true! My parents didn't love me they just wanted me (and my siblings) to be their slave! My father would turn on the music of Les Miserable, Phantom of the Opera or Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and we would clean the entire house and it had to be up to my parents standards of clean not just the quick once over. It was pure torture!

Well, now that I am a parent I have realized that this exercise in abuse may not have been ENTIRELY horrible, it takes a LOT of WORK... not just work HARD WORK to raise children, and children make messes... CONSTANTLY. So in an effort to make up for the countless hours I have already spent picking up after this little girl I have decided its time to put her to work.

The best part is she ENJOYS this! In fact if she notices me picking up the front room she runs to the hall closet and pulls out the vacuum. She knows how to plug it in and get it going. She's not the greatest maid in the world but her Mother has been taught by the greatest housekeeper, who was also taught by a master housekeeper, she is destined to be GREAT.

Holiday Movies

Ask any member of my family and they will tell you, I am a Scrooge. I am not a huge supporter of the Holidays, I haven't been for YEARS now but I do my motherly duty of decorating and putting up a tree and doing the things that one does around the holidays. ie. Baking cookies, making candy, and crafting cute little holiday items. Don't get me wrong, the TRUE meaning of the season is not lost on me and don't think that I am some horrible person for not enjoying the Holidays I just despise the over commercialization and the pettiness that they seem to bring.

When I was living with my grandparents as soon as the HORRIBLY cheesy and mushy Christmas/Holiday movies started their rotation on the television that's what we would watch. My Grandpa Ben whom I adoringly call Grumpy, would insist that I watch the movies with him, his running commentary made the movies worth suffering through, "Oh Ommilie do you think ____ will make it?" He would laugh and laugh. Ugh, I loathed the predictable plots and overly sappiness and sentimentallity of it all, BAH HUMBUG! He would constantly tell me that when I moved away I would watch as many Christmas movies as I could.

Well, now that I have moved away and have some control over what is watched in my home I think I have done quite well at preventing heart warming holiday shows from creeping into my home. HOWEVER being the good, loving, caring mother that I am, I have allowed the Classic Christmas cartoons and claymation sneak into my home, in fact I even sat and watched the classic "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" with Daisy last night. I realized that like with many Dr. Seuss books I could quote nearly the whole thing.

As I set forth to face the remainder of December and the Holiday movies that are yet to come I have to remeber the wise words of The Grinch-"What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more."- Dr. Seuss.

What Does December 1st Mean To You?

For the average person living in Northern Utah the first of the December this year was just that the FIRST day of December, nothing incredibly special or fantastic. However for this goofy girl the first of December brought her FAVORITE holiday well technically Sundown on the first of December brought my favorite holiday. That's right, HANNAKAH is here.

How did this gentile celebrate? Actually I put up my Christmas tree believe it or not (embarrassed smirk) My mennorah is still safely tucked away in its storage place -next to all my Wizard of Oz ornaments - that sadly stay packed away due to my two year old that thinks anything Wizard of Oz is HERS- wonder where she got that from? That's besides the point though, I am looking forward to making latkes and doughnuts and pretty much frying everything I possibly can, yes this very pregnant blogger is into fried and sweet. Poor Henry has a sweet tooth. I really don't know where he got it from, I am not typically into overly sweet things however the things I crave right now are generally sweet treats.

Here is my Hannakah themed Christmas tree. Since its stuffed into the corner, I only decorated 3/4 of the tree. My little girl woke up from her nap just as I was finishing and she insisted in helping me decorate the so we pulled out the silver snowflakes you see floating around and she threw them at the tree. Nice arm huh? And here she is hamming it up for my horrible cell phone's camera, and do no fear, the black splotches are from the camera Daisy does not have a horrible gash on her chin.

The Great Blizzard?!

Well, this is it. We got about 6-8 inches in 5 hours. We opted to stay home but Daisy insisted on going out and playing in it as it was really coming down. Mr. Chase got her all dressed up in her winters finest. Minus snowboots because they have not arrived yet. But that didn't stop her. She played and played and played. Mr. Chase tried to shovel the walk but he was fighting a loosing battle. I stayed inside minus the time it took to take photos.

Its a Blizzard

So all the news can talk about today is the BIG BLIZZARD that is heading our way, apparently the end of the world is nigh! How exciting. Its going to make holiday travel horrendous. Something to look forward to I guess.

I Love...

This little girl!

I Have Returned!

Here we are! All of us, alive and kicking. This photo was taken at my little brother's wedding at the tale end of September.

I am back online and like it or not you will most likely be hearing from me a LOT more now. Bwahahaha! My unfortunate hiatus was due to some very sad and trying computer issues that have NOT been completely solved but there is a temporary solution available which to my embarassment involves PC instead of my beloved Mac but like my mom says, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." So although relearning a new computer operating system is a pain in the neck (mac's are SOOOOOO much more streamlined) I am grateful to once again have access to the internet and the ability to jot down my thoughts in a much more legible way than by hand.

here i sit desperately trying to keep my eyes open and Grace tromps around the hard wood floor at my parents house in my mother's shoes, that of course have heels on them so the little clip clop clip clop sound is hard to miss. She does not like wearing her own shoes right now she prefers something with at least a 1.5 inch heel. She takes after her auntie pie I guess.

Overwhelmed?

Things are more than a little stressful at the moment and there are so many more questions than answers.

Everything I say and/or do is wrong.

My opinions have no consequence.

I can't seems to make anyone happy.

The emotional ups and downs that are my life are insanely irritating.

So if your coming over to attack me and tell me how horrible I am (again) please just pass on by because I may snap.

Consider yourself warned.

Welcome to the ER how can I help you?

I have recently started working at the local ED (emergency department) I am in registration and I am utterly and completely amazed at how different people handle different situations. I have seen some really gross things and I have seen some things that leave me wondering WHY on earth you could go to the doctor for that!?

I have been training for the last couple of weeks and I'm nearly completion of the training and am being prepared to be left on my own to fend for myself against crazy mothers whose children are "DYING" *two stitches later they are fine and people coming off of new "energy pills" that swear the world is ending!

Gleek!

I adore this show. The music, the stories, the fascinating hair.

Living History

Mr. Chase had a job interview in downtown Ogden this afternoon so we got to spend the afternoon in Ogden. Daisy and I wandered around the town square and played at the park while Mr. Chase interviewed and then we headed down to Union Station to grab lunch at

After lunch we wandered around the station and and climbed through some of the old trains that they had to look at. It was so fun!

Then we wandered through Fat Cats arcade and watched people "surf" on the flow rider.

Question:

is there anything better in the world than holding a small baby?

How I Spent My Morning

I have always been a dreamer, not so much a planner, I tend to plot quietly.

Instead of doing what I SHOULD be doing this morning (homework, getting dressed, having grand adventures with Daisy) I have spent the morning watching PBS and plotting the ultimate roadtrip. Mr. Chase spent some time in Charleston, SC and he talks about it like its this magical beautiful place and since I've been fascinated with the Carolinas thanks in part to Nicolas Sparks and partly to the fact my father was born @ Ft. Bragg, they have always been this mystical place. So wandering through travel sites today I discovered that for the 3 of us Mr. Chase, Daisy (since she's now 2 and would need her own seat) and myself to fly would cost well over $2000 (and that's JUST THE FLIGHT)!!! I couldn't believe it we could do NYC AND DC for that cost, and that's flights, food and lodging!!!

So being the creative traveler that I am have plotted the ultimate roadtrip. Logan to Chicago, Chicago to Charleston, Charleston to New Orleans, New Orleans to Phoenix, Phoenix to San Diego then LA to Home. Its just a measely 6000+ miles. 18 States, and the opportunity to see the vast expanse that are these great United States. And the places we would get to visit along the way by default...Atlanta, Baton Rouge, Houston, & NASHVILLE just to name a few. {that would be somewhere we would HAVE to stop} I figure gas would cost roughly the price of ONE round trip ticket to SC. Now you add in staying at a variety of seedy motels, and dining at delicious dives along the way, I'm STILL $700 below the cost of the flight.

I have always dreamed of driving route 66 from Chicago to LA in a convertible but this trip would satisfy that desire. We would get to see amazing things and the food... oh the food, Alton Brown from Food Network does a summer road trip (for the last two or three years) called Feasting On Asphalt, and we could liken our trip after his.

The reality of getting to do this is slim to none but getting to plot this grand adventure has entertained my imagination for the better part of Dinosaur Train, Word World and DragonTales :)

Mothers

Wordful Wednesday: I haven't participated in a while because I have kind of felt out of the loop with all the talk on family's but here goes-

I have done quite a bit of reading on Mother's lately. For the ONE class I will probably be passing this semester I had the opportunity to read a diary of a Mormon pioneer from the early 1900's. She was the mother of 12! Her life was focused on Church and Family. She knew what she wanted and what her role in life was, her husband was a farmer and she was in charge of the home and rearing the children.

When I started college I was plotting to take over, and change the world *insert maniacle laughter* I was on the fast track to graduating early and heading off to law school, I was going places (Princeton). Then I got discouraged so I took a summer off to work, as I was preparing to return home and back to my studies I was sucked into a whirlwind romance (that makes it sound like I didn't enjoy it- it had its good moments) so I put school on hold and when I finally refocused and was ready to return to my studies my world was turned upside down when I figured out that I was expecting. {Perhaps now would be a good time to mention that the whirlwind romance resulted in a marriage} My pregnancy forced me to stop EVERYTHING I was doing, I had to quit the job that I had just started and LOVED and school was not possible. I had NEVER been so sick in my life.

When my daughter finally arrived I was so grateful to have that tiny little miracle in my arms. My whole perspective changed, I no longer felt the need to take over and change the world but rather do all I could to make HER world the best it could be.

Its amazing how quickly my views on being a working mom changed. I had dreamed of having it all, a face paced career and family but once the family part came along, all I wanted to do was stay home with my little girl. Sadly my marriage ended a three short months after she was born. So I have had the opportunity to be a single mom. Not exactly how I envisioned being a mom but you play the hand that is dealt, right?

As I have struggled with adjusting to being not only a mom but a single mom I have realized the importance of mothers. I have gained respect for my own mother, she has FOUR kids and when I think of many of the basic thing that I do everyday, brushing my teeth, tying my shoes, putting my shirt on the right way, brushing my hair, things that I am teaching my own daughter I realize that it was MY mother that taught me.

Joy

This is my big brother and his new little boy. Daniel James he was 9lbs 7 oz 20 inches long, so really his is not so little but when compared to Daisy's current self he's TINY, if we were comparing him to Daisy's infant self he's HUGE she was only 5lbs 10 oz 18 inches long.

Mr. Chase not having spent much time with infants asked what my fascination was with them. Aside from the fact that I am a woman, the fascination rests in the tiny little fingers, toes and features that are so perfect. The fact that these perfect little beings have not had the chance to be corrupted by the world yet, and the fact that these little miracles have come straight from heaven and still have the warm love of heaven surrounding them. That is why infants hold such a fascination for me, and this one, happens to be related to me so that makes it all that much better.

Although the past week has been the veritable emotional rollercoaster I had a moment of peace today... and sometimes, its in those little moments that I realize, I am so grateful for this ride that is my life.

"For Your Own Good"

Why is it that when you are presented with a situation and you are forced to make a decision and you make the one that obviously falls into the "for your own good" category it HURTS.
Pure torture, agony and then emptiness, nothingness.

Sums It Up

Be careful with it, its fragile....oh, it was worthless anyways...

Its been that kind of a day.

Sleep Deprived

I have been having an incredibly difficult time sleeping lately.

{As I mentioned in my previous blog I have given up Ambien due to the high cost of my stupidity whilst on it and although I have refilled my prescription I have not used it. Tylenol PM however has been used twice due to wicked tension headaches and the hopes that it will just knock me out. (Not so much) So technically I have not been doing anything to aid in getting me to sleep (other than hitting the gym but that only suceeds in making me so tired I can't sleep) }

This may have something to do with the fact that my two year old has decided to repay my parents for the horrible night owl that I was when growing up (and still am). Except when I was her age I would quietly go out to the family room pop in The Wizard of Oz, watch it, then return to bed. Could I be this lucky when it comes to Daisy? NOOOOO, she wants to PLAY. I hear my bedroom door creak open and the little giggly noise that is Daisy calling my name, prompting me to get out of bed to come entertain her. She did this at 2:30 this morning. Now I know I will get no sympathy from my parents but something must be done! Wanting to play for 3 hours in the wee hours of morn -when Mom has to be up, bright eyed and bushytailed for school by 8 o'clock- is NOT going to help.

I know, I know, just put her back to bed and tell her to stay. Well its not that easy, a screaming, wailing, sobbing 2 year old that does NOT want to go to bed causes nosey neighbors to wonder what horrible awful things I must be doing to this 2 year old to cause such a racket. The need to calm, soothe and QUIET this little banshee becomes dire at 4 am. I don't know what else I can do... let her cry it out whilst locked in her bedroom? I promise, I'm not beating her! I'm just making her go to bed!

The Un-Update

This is going to sound a bit angsty. Don't say I didn't tell you.

Have you ever felt like no matter what you do no matter how hard you try you just can't do anything right? Well welcome to my life for the last few months. That's right folks! No matter what I do its not good enough, its not enough. But then again apparently I have put myself into this situation I should be able to get out of it right?

School sucks. Its going to take a miracle for me to pass my classes, that's horrible seeing as we are not even to midterms yet.

Family hates me. Thinks that no matter what I do, I'm wrong. I seriously can't do a single thing right by their standards. No matter how hard I try its never good enough.

Boyfriend- well I call him that but does he call me his girlfriend to anybody he knows? Nope. OH sure he calls me his girlfriend when pressed but I have yet to be introduced by him to anyone, and he thinks that changing your relationships status on facebook is stupid!!! I know I'm strange but I would LOVE to have my relationship status say 'in a relationship' with Mr. Chase but apparently that's too much to ask for. Perhaps I'm too demanding?

Perhaps its been an incredibly LONG and emotional day and I should call it a night?

Valentine

My Valentine-

Makes Me Smile

Keeps Me Entertained

Is Amazing!

Under the Influence

Its time to go back to the sleepless insomnia that is my life. Although my perscription for Ambien has NOT yet run out I am quitting cold turkey. NO MORE! I can't take the hangovers anymore and the repercussions from my actions whilst under the influence of this miraculous drug are NOT worth the sleep.

Last night poor Mr Chase and I had a fight, what was it about? I couldn't tell you even if I tried, I don't remember it. I have a vague recollection of just feeling the ever impending doom and when I checked my cell phone this morning to see what I had done my whole world seemed to come crashing down. WHAT HAD I DONE?!? The text messages were no help just further proof that I had said or done something stupid and Mr. Chase was fed up and done with me.

So I quit. No More AMBIEN!

Worth a 1000 Words.

I am NOT a morning person. I never have been probably never will be and you know what!? that's OKAY with me. I think getting up at the crack of noon is more my style. That said, being a mom and having a boyfriend that has class at 8:30 am (which I dutifully take him to so he doesn't have to hike up a hellish hill and freeze to death) prevents me from living my life in a way that would allow my night owlishness to thrive. I was in bed before midnight last night, if you ask my parents they will tell you that this is NOT normal.

Now with that background THIS is what I saw when I drove home from dropping Mr. Chase off.

A sight like this makes mornings more acceptable.

Now

I stole this from my favorite blogger, it seems to pretty much sum up my whole self right now.

Not Dead

To My Readers:

I am not dead. Just been busy and not much for writing as of late which is strange for me. Hopefully I will be back to normal soon.

My life seems to be just like this picture: out of focus and askew.

Go, Go, Go Go!

Had a wonderful night with Mr. Chase. We went to see with my parents. Its one of our favorites, Mr. chase had not seen it so it was fun. Not as awkward as it cold have been. Enjoyed getting out of the house and away from things for a few brief moments.

Sometimes

These Are My Confessions

Contrary to popular belief. I am NOT an idiot.

Why do I say this? Night before last I received and email from the OTHER Woman Girl -its not really fair to call her a woman because she’s 20, and let’s face it she’s still pretty young- I have to say it is one of the most interesting emails I have ever received in my life. This girl felt the need to express her concern to me about Mr. Chase “playing” both of us for fools. Now, getting an email like this is never a fun experience and Mr. Chase was actually sitting next to me while I read it, holding my hand. Everything she said in the email I already knew but seeing things from her point of view was interesting. And a little scary.

She told me that since she couldn’t get a straight answer from Mr. Chase about our (his and mine) relationship, she decided to find out what I had to say. How did she go about this? She looked me up on Facebook to read my posts and even went as far as reading THIS blog to get her answers. (Facebook has now been set to private, Thank You very much) She then felt the need to tell me that when asked point-blank Mr. Chase told her that we were “just friends, and that she was more WAY more important to him.” Now ladies and gentlemen I will be the first to admit to not being the most secure woman in the world and to be embarrassingly honest her saying this to me hurt BUT as I mentioned Mr. Chase was sitting there reading the email with me and he had a chance to explain himself basically he swears he never said anything remotely close to that.

I knew all along that Mr. Chase was seeing the two of us at the same time we had not said we were exclusive and with how often this other girl called (3-4 times) and texted him (sometimes 20-40 times a night) I knew something was up but since we were not exclusive I did not feel like I could or should say anything about it. I mean really, he was WITH me not her so I felt pretty secure in my standing as being

That said, after this email had been sent this girl felt the need to “break up” with Mr. Chase for a 3^rd or 4^th time. I’m not sure which. (She chickened out and Mr. Chase had to “break up” with her in the end… again.) Mr. Chase made me completely aware of what was going on between the two of them and like I said he was spending the majority of his time with me so I wasn’t too worried. However, I do have a bit of a jealous bone, yeah I think its parallel to my femur.

(10 points if you understand that reference- the femur is the largest bone in the body, ha ha ha)

So I will admit to being a little annoyed and jealous of this girl. Why? Because I am selfish and really just want Mr. Chase to myself, granted I have to share him with Daisy but that’s different.

After this last breakup Mr. Chase and I agreed that dating one another “exclusively” was probably a good idea. If we want to see other people we will check with the other person first and no kissing anyone else. I am his girlfriend and he is my boyfriend and seeing as I have only been interested in seeing Mr. Chase for a while now I am more than happy with this agreement.

At the end of the email this girl told me that if I wanted Mr. Chase I could have him, but she probably wouldn't stop seeing him.

Drama

oh yeah. I went there.

Don't Worry

{I stole this from one of my favorite blogs.}

Sometimes when things look the darkest we have to remember that it is darkest before the dawn and we have to just have to:

Just remember you can DO it!

The Good

Today- being Sunday meant that it was time to go to Church. To be honest I have never been a huge fan of going to Church. When you add my aversion to going to church and fact that I have an almost two year old that does not believe in being reverent or holding still for a prolonged period of time {unless she's watching The Wizard of Oz} does not equal a happy day/good experience for me. That said.

Today. Church. Was. Awesome!

Mr. Chase being the wonderful man he is came to church with us today. He was Amazing (which is the word I use to describe him pretty much all the time) he even brought a little bag of Coco Roo's in his pocket to help keep Daisy entertained and more manageable. I was able to actually listen to the speakers today and follow along with what was being said. I can't remember the last time that happened! When Daisy got a little too fussy he was the one that took her out into the hall to calm down and when they returned she was pretty good. He did such a good job of wrangling her throughout the meeting and about fifteen minutes into the meeting he leaned over to me with a big smile on his face as he watched Daisy quietly play on one end of the pew, "Do you realize how blessed you are?" he asked. And as I sat there enjoying the quiet moment, my heart swelled and tears actually rose in my eyes I had to take a deep breath. I am incredibly blessed thank you for reminding me Mr. Chase.

Make My Day

I was just checking my Facebook page before heading to bed and I noticed I had a message.

It was from Mr. Chase's mom.

She told me how much she enjoyed meeting Daisy and me and that she thought Mr. Chase and I were a good match. How sweet is that?!

Totally. Made. My. Day!

Important People

Last night my stomach was in knots and yet I was incredibly excited. Mr. Chase, Daisy and I were heading to Ogden to meet up with my best friend, her sister, and her two kids. Was Mr. Chase worried about meeting my best friend? Well he didn't seem to be. As we were heading down to Ogden (which for those of you that don't know- is about an hour from Logan) Mr. Chase asked if it would be okay if his Mom came to dinner too.

So Yeah. What was I supposed to say? NO, your mom is NOT allowed to come? Really? Come on. Truth be told after the initial wanting to puke my guts out nervousness wore off I was kind of excited and folks let me just say. Mr. Chase's mom was amazing! Not only was she gorgeous but she was friendly, nice and just an all around great person: someone I would enjoy spending time with and could see myself becoming friends with. {i'm crossing my fingers}

When my best friend showed up with her sister and two kids in tow, things were a little awkward for a little bit but things settled down and after they relaxed and the food arrived things were good we chatted a little bit and soon it was time to say goodbye. (My best friend's sister was wanting to get home to see her boyfriend.) So we took Mr. Chase's mom back to her home and Daisy played with Mr. Chase's basset hound, Ernie. She adored him and thought he was the bees knees.

I had so much fun. It was great to get to see my best friend and meeting Mr. Chase's mom was not as traumatic as I was afraid it was going to be, it was actually pretty great. The drive home was so fun, we sang along with the radio at the top of our lungs while Daisy slept in the back. It was GREAT!!!

Family

family: a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head

I think I have a more fluid definition of what family is:

I do not belong to a typical family Attypical is more appropriate.

As a single mother, living on my own whilst attending school- my concept of family is probably different than most. MY Family not only includes the usual suspects {parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles & cousins} but it also includes those people in my life that are there for me when I need them. I have been incredibly blessed by the people that God has seen fit to place in my life at the right times. People that have touched my heart and life forever. People that when asked who they are calling them friend just doesn't seem enough. These people fall into my definition of Family.

I Love You Just the Way You Are, Now Change

I like you just the way you are…now change.

Have you ever had one of those conversations where you know no matter what you say you’re going to end up being wrong?

Mr. Chase and I had such a conversation last night. Topic? My weight. I cringe at the just the thought of replaying this conversation in my head again. Ugh. Granted it was my own fault, I mentioned that since we have began dating I have lost about fifteen pounds and we’ll just say the conversation hit the inevitable downward spiral that eventually lead to both of us feeling bad, him for feeling like he had said the wrong thing and me wishing I had never brought it up in the first place.

{I have been relatively the same size since my freshman year of high school. I gained quite a bit of weight after I got married due to the birth control that I was on and when I got pregnant (after being off the aforementioned birth control for a whole year) I lost all the weight I had gained plus 20 lbs. that’s right folks I LosT weight while pregnant! So after having Daisy and getting divorced I have done a pretty good job of keeping the weight off but alas after another bought with a different birth control to help regulate things, I put some of the weight back on and now its time to get rid of it.}

Poor Mr. Chase was asking me questions about my weight-loss and that led to the "Well, how much do you plan on loosing?" question. This is a scary question to me. Why? Because actually setting a goal for this area of my life is frightening. What happens if I can't do it? What if I can? What if I set the bar too high? What if I set the bar too low? How do I go about this? And the questions go on and on.

But its time to suck it up and do something about this stupid fear. I am going to say to ALL of my blog readers. That I am GOING to loose another 25 pounds by the time I graduate (May) I think that seems reasonable and that's not expecting great and miraculous things to magically happen. This can be a gradual thing and that's okay.

PS. Mr Chase told me that he can tell that I've lost some weight. Which is always nice to hear. :)

Somebody Kill Me Please

Well Mr. Chase messed up BIG time.

Things just seems to be a bit off tonight... again. He thought I was holding back and or annoyed with him. I wasn't. Just exhausted from my oh so exciting "vacation". It was great to see all the fam but I just wanted my own bed and someone to kiss me goodnight, is that really too much to ask!? But I digress.

Since school starts tomorrow (for him- my classes are Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday) Mr. Chase had to be home by 10pm. (self imposed curfew- which is funny because his new work schedule has him working till 10pm now :( )

As Mr. Chase was preparing to leave, he was checking his messages and saying goodbye at the same time - he looked up to say goodbye and HE CALLED ME THE WRONG NAME!!! Now I am not stupid and I am completely aware that other girls text him and he even writes back to them! he realized what he did and didn't try to cover it up in fact his next words were, oh man I just majorly screwed up right? I couldn't say anything. He walked over to me to kiss me goodbye and I wanted to melt into the wood panelling I was so crushed. He noticed my hesitation and kissed my forhead then walked out to get Grace's car seat out of his truck.

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is where I lost it.

There really wasn't anything I could do about it, the tears came. I knew it was stupid, I knew that it was just an honest slip, I knew/know that Mr. Chase "really really really really likes me" (yes that's 4 really's) but I couldn't stop them as much as I wanted to I couldn't convince my eyes to shut off. I was horrified because I knew he was coming back in just a moment. I took a deep breath and whipped the tears away from my eyes and since I was stupid enough to put mascara on before Mr. Chase came over I was ...

BUSTED.

He asked me (and used my correct name) what was wrong and I just tried to play it off like it was nothing which really bothered him. He said THIS is what the problem is, you're not talking to me Em. (Oh sure, NOW he remembers my name!) I asked him what he wanted me to say and we went back and forth a for a few minutes and with nothing resolved other than the desire to see each other again and he went home.

We chatted when he got home and discussed what was REALLY going on the weirdness, I admitted to not knowing where I stood with him and confessed that the way he talks to me sometimes is like riding a carousel I feel like he says one thing then the next loop around he takes it back.

i.e. Tonight he told me,

how much he had missed me last night

but now that I was home it didn't seem like I was gone that long

I gave him a few examples from our recent conversations and explained why it bothered me. I told him that I never knew if I was supposed to take what he said at face value or wait for the disclaimer to quickly follow.

Mr. Chase apologized and stated that now he knew what the problem was he would fix it. It was then time for bed so we said our once again fond goodbyes he crawled in bed and I decided to write this blog before crashing myself.

I got a text a moment ago from him "that girl that just told me how she felt and what was really bothering her is the one I'm attracted to"

Who knew that all the drama avoidance I have been trying to do is what lead to all this havoc in the first place!? I'm looking forward to seeing Mr. Chase again... Until Next Time....

The Agony

I know I have done a post about pet names already but I need to say something about it again, because the search for my pet name continues. I have recently been called everything from Toots, Sweetheart, Sweets and my new favorite Luv. Its funny, as Mr. Chase continues to try to find a name for me I am completely content calling him Dear or Mr. Chase but listening to him trying to figure out which term of endearment to call me always makes my heart flutter a bit. I just spent the last 8 minutes saying goodnight to a very sleepy Mr. Chase. He called -more asleep than awake- to tell me that he missed me, could hardly wait to see me tomorrow and say goodnight.

Its been more than 38 WHOLE hours since I have actually seen Mr. Chase now... pure torture, let me tell you. Its been HELL...Or maybe that was just being stuck in a truck in close quarters with my stinky little brother (AkA Superman)? Okay so the 3.5+ hour ride to Rexburg to go to the Brooke White concert @ BYWoo-Idaho with my father, mother, Daisy and Superman really wasn't all that bad. We broke into random comedy routines, played hand games with Daisy and sang showtunes for the majority of the ride up. Mr. Chase texted me periodically throughout the day to let me know he was missing me (collective smitten sigh) and I even got to talk to him prior to the concert.

The concert. WAS. AMAZING! Brooke sang for nearly 2 hours. She sounded great the crowd of about 1,300 people LOVED her and the show was pretty awesome. Sang all her greatest songs and although the ONE song {smile} I wanted her to sing she didn't she made up for it by completely blowing Let It Be, Use Somebody, Rhianna & You're So Vain totally out of the water (strangely all cover songs) I however think my favorite song of the night was a song I have heard her sing several times live -and since I own several copies of the album- I have heard it probably 100+ times, but hearing the song tonight it was like the light finally came on. I finally got what it was saying.

Can we have an honest conversation

Underneath the surface where we've been stayin'?

Where it's comfortable, where we play it safe

And we try so hard not to make mistakes

Spend a lot of time but I don't really know you

Think we've reached a point where I wanna show you

Who I really am, what I think about

What makes me smile, what brings me down, oh

I guess I feel some hesitation

Before we say those words

Sometimes love is an empty invitation

Sometimes love is a word that's used in vain

Sometimes love is just something that people say everyday

And I don't want it that way

[ Brooke White Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]

We've both been in situations

Where we woke up at a revelation

But a little voice said it wouldn't last

Hey don't walk away, leave it in the past, oh

We wrestle with the reservations

Now we're finding it hard to say those words

Sometimes love is an empty invitation

Sometimes love is a word that's used in vain

Sometimes love is just something that people say everyday

And I don't want it that way, and I don't want it that way

Sometimes love is an open invitation

Sometimes love is a word that heals the pain

Sometimes love is more than just something that people say everyday

And I want you that way, oh, oh love, well I want you that way

Ambein Induced Tyraid

As my title mentions I am currently under the influence of that magical sleep aid known as Ambein. I love ambein, it really does the job and before I get past the point of no return to tonight I wanted to write down a recent conversation I had with Mr. Chase.

Mr. Chase is yet again out of town visiting with family and friends for the night and I will be heading out of town before he returns, so I can go visiting with family and friends for the weekend. Essentailly Mr. Chase and myself will not be seeing each other for nearly 3 whole days. To be completely honest I think he is more worried about this than me because he has called me 3 or 5 times today just to chat and let me know that he is missing Daisy and myself. (Pause for collective sigh, yes isn't that sweet of him? -Speaking of Sweet, he has found my pet name to be one of two things, I am either Sweetheart or Sweets.- )

We have had quite the myriad of strange discussions today. One that I deamed worthy of MLIA and submitted to have posted, if it gets up on the site I will definitly link up to it but in the mean while another discussion lays heavy on my mind. We were talking while Daisy watched Lady and the Tramp (that seems poetic) and Mr. Chase said those three words that every girl longs to hear. I was stunned. Flabergasted really, we had talked about how many people he had said that too and he said one, that was not family. So I was knock-over-able with a feather at that point good thing I was laying down. I asked him to repeat himself and he did saying it again but following it up with a line that took all the warm fuzzy feelings away, "Well its not like I'm IN love with you, its still too soon for that right?" and then the phone disconnected.

As with many of my recent posts i will end by saying. I"M SO CONFUSeD!!!

Billy Shakespeare

Shakespeare he is not but entertaining yes!

Mr. Chase spent the evening Rapping to me...

Yes, you heard that right.

Rapping.

More to come later.

DTR

Mr. Chase and I had a DTR last night.

(He started it not me)

We talked for the better part of an hour.

I still have no idea where we stand.

???

Patience

I must confess that patience is not at the top of the list of virtues I possess. In fact is probably not even on the list. I am not a patient person. There I said it and my father always tell me that admitting you have a problem is the first step to repentance.

However, I'm not trying to repent for this sin. I know better than to ask for patience - because that always leads to your patience being tested- to quite honest with you, with everything I have on my plate right now, which I feel like is a lot {applications for graduation, getting through my final semester, dealing with my nearly two year old cutting 4 teeth @ once, a new relationship, family, friend and the usual chaos that is my life} I just don't think I can handle many more tests of my patience. I KNOW I am not a patient person I KNOW I should try harder to be better but really there's only so much a person can take!

Perspective

I have spent a lot of time thinking about how a persons perspective can really make a difference.

My great grandmother used to love it when her grandchildren would come play and after they would leave she would not wash their hand prints off the windows for months. A little reminder of the happiness and cherished moments of their visit. I am desperately trying to have the additude that Daisy is only going to be this old once. That I should cherish the moments because soon they will be gone so whenever I feel like all my glass surfaces are covered in sticky smudgy handprints I think of great grandma and it reminds me to cherish the moment.

Theme Song for the Moment?

Now we ALL know I adore Daisy but sometimes I channel Miss Hannigan and sing this song to her as I'm changing her diaper or combing her hair. She thinks its absolutely hilarious and she claps for me when I do the big finish.

One day I'll land in the the nuthouse, with all the nuts and the squirrels!

PS. I am an idiot. I should have known why she's been so dreadful lately.
The uber grouchiness, the biting EVERYTHING, the diaper rash.
I'm an idiot.
She's cutting teeth.

Two Thirty

I don't think I have ever been happier to wake up @ two thirty via text message.

just thinking of you

followed by a late night conversation on facebook

I'm so weird.

"That is NOT how I saw this night going."

As Mr. Chase, Daisy (I have been told that referring to my daughter as My Little Monster is not very nice- although tonight, she aptly earned the title) and I were driving home from dinner Mr. Chase declared dejectedly, "That is NOT how I saw this night going."

Mr. Chase called me on his way back into town from spending the holiday with his family. (Yeah, Happy New Year's to me) He called and asked if he could please take us out for dinner. I told him that sounded like a wonderful plan and would look forward to seeing him. We were just leaving my parents house, my mom gave Daisy and I haircuts Daisy got bangs and I feel like my hair is SOOO short, though in reality I finally got a real haircut not just a trim. It looks great and I KNOW it looks great but it feels soooo short :( So we hurried home, me with the vain hopes of getting home in time to style my new mop, and whaddya know Daisy fell asleep on the ride back into town and Mr. Chase pulled into my driveway right in front of me. He smiled at me and I hurried in to do the quick change and put some make up on while he moved his truck so we could take the car with the sleeping Daisy in it. So we went in search of somewhere OPEN to have dinner, third time was the charm Sushi won.

Daisy woke up as we pulled into the parking lot. She smiled and was excited to see Mr. Chase but as soon as we got into the restaurant it was a different story. No one could do anything right by her, she didn't want to sit in the high chair, she didn't want to color, she didn't want to sit in my lap, she didn't want to do anything except scream at me. The wait staff was incredibly kind and helpful, I was horrified she rarely throws tantrums like that at all let alone out in public. She insisted on being in my arms up and walking around the restaurant. Mr. Chase tried to entertain her but that only made her scream louder. I know she was just tired but her actions were getting out of control. After nearly thirty minutes of on and off fit throwing -I mean if you even looked at her the wrong way she would wail- she finally settled down.

So much for a fun dinner out. Maybe just maybe since she was so tired she would go to bed when we got back to my place? She and I went through her bedtime ritual and did all that we do. She said goodnight to Mr. Chase and gave us both big kisses and laid down. SUCESS!? Mr. Chase and I settled down on the couches ready to watch the movies we rented the night of the Red Light incident, ten minutes into the movie... MOMMY! I was going to let her cry for a few minutes, she was so tired already... MOMMY and it turned into screams, she had crawled 3/4 of the way out of bed and got stuck. She refused to sit and watch the movie, she refused to do anything except scream, pull hair, or do anything where the attention was not 100% focused on her.

I gave up. Mr. Chase gave up. The only person not completely exhausted by all of this? Daisy. I decided that the only way any of us were going to get any peace was a car ride. Mr. Chase politely declined the excursion and opted to go home, I was slightly dissapointed but if there was any way I could have gotten out of having to deal with this kid that didn't know when to quit I would have jumped at it as well!

I tossed Daisy into her carseat while Mr. Chase salted my sidewalk, the ice was treacherous. I ran back inside to grab my cell phone and Mr. Chase bid me a fond farewell and as he gave me a quick hug he told me he loved my short hair.

Now Daisy and I did a large loop around town with the heater all the way up and she was almost out as we pulled back into the driveway. As soon as the cold Cache Valley air hit her she was wide awake again. I nearly cried. We went through the bedtime ritual again, she refused, screamed for 10 minutes and finally gave up.

Tonight definitely did NOT go as planned.