Sleep Deprived

I have been having an incredibly difficult time sleeping lately.

{As I mentioned in my previous blog I have given up Ambien due to the high cost of my stupidity whilst on it and although I have refilled my prescription I have not used it. Tylenol PM however has been used twice due to wicked tension headaches and the hopes that it will just knock me out. (Not so much) So technically I have not been doing anything to aid in getting me to sleep (other than hitting the gym but that only suceeds in making me so tired I can't sleep) }

This may have something to do with the fact that my two year old has decided to repay my parents for the horrible night owl that I was when growing up (and still am). Except when I was her age I would quietly go out to the family room pop in The Wizard of Oz, watch it, then return to bed. Could I be this lucky when it comes to Daisy? NOOOOO, she wants to PLAY. I hear my bedroom door creak open and the little giggly noise that is Daisy calling my name, prompting me to get out of bed to come entertain her. She did this at 2:30 this morning. Now I know I will get no sympathy from my parents but something must be done! Wanting to play for 3 hours in the wee hours of morn -when Mom has to be up, bright eyed and bushytailed for school by 8 o'clock- is NOT going to help.

I know, I know, just put her back to bed and tell her to stay. Well its not that easy, a screaming, wailing, sobbing 2 year old that does NOT want to go to bed causes nosey neighbors to wonder what horrible awful things I must be doing to this 2 year old to cause such a racket. The need to calm, soothe and QUIET this little banshee becomes dire at 4 am. I don't know what else I can do... let her cry it out whilst locked in her bedroom? I promise, I'm not beating her! I'm just making her go to bed!

The Un-Update

This is going to sound a bit angsty. Don't say I didn't tell you.

Have you ever felt like no matter what you do no matter how hard you try you just can't do anything right? Well welcome to my life for the last few months. That's right folks! No matter what I do its not good enough, its not enough. But then again apparently I have put myself into this situation I should be able to get out of it right?

School sucks. Its going to take a miracle for me to pass my classes, that's horrible seeing as we are not even to midterms yet.

Family hates me. Thinks that no matter what I do, I'm wrong. I seriously can't do a single thing right by their standards. No matter how hard I try its never good enough.

Boyfriend- well I call him that but does he call me his girlfriend to anybody he knows? Nope. OH sure he calls me his girlfriend when pressed but I have yet to be introduced by him to anyone, and he thinks that changing your relationships status on facebook is stupid!!! I know I'm strange but I would LOVE to have my relationship status say 'in a relationship' with Mr. Chase but apparently that's too much to ask for. Perhaps I'm too demanding?

Perhaps its been an incredibly LONG and emotional day and I should call it a night?

Valentine

My Valentine-

Makes Me Smile

Keeps Me Entertained

Is Amazing!

Under the Influence

Its time to go back to the sleepless insomnia that is my life. Although my perscription for Ambien has NOT yet run out I am quitting cold turkey. NO MORE! I can't take the hangovers anymore and the repercussions from my actions whilst under the influence of this miraculous drug are NOT worth the sleep.

Last night poor Mr Chase and I had a fight, what was it about? I couldn't tell you even if I tried, I don't remember it. I have a vague recollection of just feeling the ever impending doom and when I checked my cell phone this morning to see what I had done my whole world seemed to come crashing down. WHAT HAD I DONE?!? The text messages were no help just further proof that I had said or done something stupid and Mr. Chase was fed up and done with me.

So I quit. No More AMBIEN!

Worth a 1000 Words.

I am NOT a morning person. I never have been probably never will be and you know what!? that's OKAY with me. I think getting up at the crack of noon is more my style. That said, being a mom and having a boyfriend that has class at 8:30 am (which I dutifully take him to so he doesn't have to hike up a hellish hill and freeze to death) prevents me from living my life in a way that would allow my night owlishness to thrive. I was in bed before midnight last night, if you ask my parents they will tell you that this is NOT normal.

Now with that background THIS is what I saw when I drove home from dropping Mr. Chase off.

A sight like this makes mornings more acceptable.

Now

I stole this from my favorite blogger, it seems to pretty much sum up my whole self right now.

Not Dead

To My Readers:

I am not dead. Just been busy and not much for writing as of late which is strange for me. Hopefully I will be back to normal soon.

My life seems to be just like this picture: out of focus and askew.